Existential Travel Guides

Beijing and Nothingness

The Prague

Notes From London's Underground

Zagat 2008 Los Angeles


McSweeney's

ten words that don't exist but should

brought to my attention by jade

1. AQUADEXTROUS
(ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION
(kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT
(dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS
(el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST
(frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION
(lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER
(peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS
(pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION
(tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

be in my life

this is a hedgehog

back in south jersey and my feet are cold but california, again, in a little more than a week. there is a constant and amazing strain between what i think to act on and what i negotiate myself from acting on; not a bad thing but right now i'm listening to miles davis and thinking fragmentarily. my luggage, it's already all over the floor.

went to a bon voyage party tonight. where's everyone gone?

fact vs. fiction

what do you know when you're willfully distracted but you're pressing yourself for deadlines but you're, but you're, but you're. i often willfully, even eagerly, believe that fact is fiction, fiction fact. and only recently am i getting in trouble with myself over it.

FICTION: This weekend was perfect.
FACT: Someone stole my metrocard. Above cash, that in principle is very wrong.

FICTION: I'm sad it's the end of the semester.
FACT: I'm excited to go home.

FICTION: I'm working hard on all of the things that are due within the next 48 hours.
FACT: I'm listening to the new Animal Collective single on repeat and updating this blog.

FICTION/FACT: A hundred times have I thought New York is a catastrophe and 50 times: It is a beautiful catastrophe. -Le Corbusier

KO: fact wins, unfortunately.

i listened to beyonce a lot this weekend

I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is not an apology, but a life. It is for itself and not for a spectacle. I must much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady...My life should be unique; it should be an alms, a battle, a conquest, a medicine.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

i did NOT just fuck up registration

Zoe 1:53
is it apparent that, having worked in negation the whole time, and then not using it in the last line, that that ISNT the case?

Jade 1:54
im not sure i understand your question
not nots get me confused

Zoe 1:54
hahah i know
it says "is nearly all i remember you by"
not "is not nearly all i remember you by"
meaning, without the not, that that is NOT the case
because the entirity of them poem is not, but is all the case

Jade 1:55
i'd say nearly not
without the not its NOT the case

Zoe 1:55
im confused now too

Jade 1:55
instead of saying not nearly
say nearly not

Zoe 1:56
but there is no not

Jade 1:57
wait
there is no not
omg
lol

slow beat, skip

music for nights like last night: rain, wet leaves over pavement, light bulbs too bright, and a haunting thing.

tortoise

1. slint - breadcrumb trail
2. all - alltag5
3. animal collective - loch raven
4. beach house - gila
5. no-neck blues band - the doon
6. talk talk - ascension day
7. juana molina - no llama
8. deek hoi - california
9. this heat - sleep
10. keith fullerton whitman - modena

http://www.mediafire.com/?dmmmwjiandh


music for days like today: disparate and delayed, dreamlike waking, butterflies in your ribcage, progress.

hare

1. the walkmen - wake up
2. miles benjamin anthony robinson - the debtor
3. king darves - all in my sleep
4. the angels of light - destroyer
5. the national - daughters of the soho riots
6. herbert - on reflection
7. portishead - strangers
8. black moth super rainbow - sun lips
9. silver apples - seagreen serenades
10. fennesz - before i leave

http://www.mediafire.com/?zmdhyy3mubz